Thankful for the Thorn

What if you blamed Satan for something that God was allowing?

Have you ever felt like you're living out the life of a person in the Bible? Well, I felt like a modern-day Moses. I knew I was called to do something big, but I gave God every excuse in the book of why I couldn’t do it. In 2009, my “burning bush” moment was being called to be a pastor and preacher of the Word and the excuse I immediately gave God was this: Tourette’s.

Diagnosed at the age of 5, I had no clue what struggles I would have to overcome to get to where I am today. Doctors told me most people will grow out of Tourette’s after puberty. This wasn’t the case for me because, as I write this, I still am navigating through Tourette’s. Bullying, insecurity, and depression are just a few of the things I have walked through because of Tourette’s. I vividly remember nights crying out to God asking, “How can I preach in front of people when I can’t control what sounds or movements I make?” I wish I could say the frustrations, doubts, and excuses went away after high school. Sadly, they carried on through Bible college as well as my first three years of youth ministry. I was furious, wondering why Satan was tormenting me. Then one conversation changed my life forever.

I am beyond grateful for my beautiful and patient wife, Chels, for praying for me, speaking life into me, and helping me get to this life-changing conversation. I decided to meet with someone from my church who has Tourette’s. I came in thinking we were both going to sulk about how terrible it is to have Tourette’s, but he quickly challenged me with a statement I’ll never forget. He said, “Logan, stop viewing your Tourette’s as a burden and realize it’s a blessing.” My world flipped upside down in that moment.

I suddenly fully understood what the Apostle Paul meant in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 about his thorn in his flesh. People assume that Paul’s thorn was because of Satan’s scheme, but it wasn’t. Paul’s thorn was there because God allowed it to be. Paul begged the Lord to take it away three times, but the Lord kept it there because He knew the humility it would produce in Paul.

It's the same for me. I realized in that moment the thorn in my flesh (Tourette’s) wasn’t planned by Satan, but it was allowed by God to produce something better in me. It forced me to depend on the Lord in a whole new way. After 20 years of being angry with God and being scared to tell people, I felt more freedom than ever before. So much so that I publicly told my story for the first time ever in June of 2021.

You know what is funny about all of this? Every single time I get on the stage to preach a 30-minute message, my Tourette’s completely goes away. It’s truly a miracle. But the moment I step off the stage it comes back, and I’m reminded of that thorn in my flesh. Now, things are different. I’m no longer bitter because of the thorn. I’m thankful for the thorn because God is keeping me humble and dependent on Him. And if I ever think for one moment that I can lead a ministry or preach on my own, I’m quickly reminded of my thorn (Tourette’s).

I don’t know what excuses you’ve given to God on why He can’t use you. I don’t know what weaknesses you have that you’ve blamed on Satan. I want to challenge you to think that maybe the thing you’re begging God to take away is the very thing God wants to keep in you to produce better character and sustain the calling He has for you.